Friday, January 22, 2021

Vayra Asks...

What class knows the most martial arts? Are they real martial arts like kung fu, or made up ones like krav maga? There are no classes, but the most common form of marital arts is the made-up bullshit of windstepping. On the upside, it involves surgically increasing lung capacity in order to literally blow oneself up into the air or knock enemies over with a sigh, so it's not boring as shit.

Can I start out having already made a deal with the devil or do I have to do that in game? Depends, but usually that happens in game, in your hour of greatest need. Do you want me to write an 8-page backstory? Can I write an 8-page backstory, if I want to? If I write something down in it like I'm the timelost princess of the brass city and the daughter of the sun and I commanded legions in the Hell War but was betrayed by my father's vizier but I don't know that, or that I'm elf conan and cooler than everyone else, will that be true? No, yes, and if you do all that I will comb through it and talk with you about every aspect so we can comb out what you think is coolest while making sure you don't force yourself into the spotlight and also fit into the world (but resent you for making me do that). All you need is a character with some sort of goal. If I eat someone's heart, will I gain their powers? What about their brain? Heart, not unless you're under the influence of a specific drug, brain succeeds more often than you would initially think, especially for those used to living underground. Apparently an unlit brain is one with easily-transferable knowledge. These classes are boring, can I be one from somewhere else? What about from a different system entirely? Once again, no classes, but we can certainly talk. If I make a sword, which one of us gets to name it? If it happened randomly, you. If it happened because I put it there, me. Am I allowed to kill the other player characters? What would I have to do to be allowed to? Do I win if I kill them all? Actually, how do I win in general? You can't kill another PC unless everyone at the table agrees that not only you can, but you should. You win by forcing me to end the session early because whatever you've just done requires more than a bathroom break to process and bounce back from, like using a nuke on an archangel or ripping a hole in reality. What language stands in for 'Common'? Or what are we all talking to each other in? Like the party, mostly, but also everyone else? You're just speaking English, because otherwise wordplay couldn't be diegetic. Plus, English is basically the Common of our world, and that statement (as well as the fact that this fantastical post-apocalypse worls speaks our language) has spicy implications.
How do I learn how to talk to rocks? No not once a day just, like, normally? Study under an earth elemental or mountain, huff a lot of chalk dust, and/or some people just know how to do it. Which kinds of wizards get to serve kings and live in towers and shit and which ones are run out of town or stoned to death in the streets? Can I be both? At the same time? The wizards who serve royalty are the equivalents of the people who graduate just to immediately start teaching, they have no practical experience and most of their advice is just made-up bullshit. If a wizard is covered in runes, shivering in an alley, injecting vibrant purple fluid into their feet, fear them, for they have plumbed the cosmos for all it has to offer.

1 comment:

  1. "If a wizard is covered in runes, shivering in an alley, injecting vibrant purple fluid into their feet, fear them, for they have plumbed the cosmos for all it has to offer."



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