The Flints were the heroes of a Penny Dreadful mini-campaign with Phlox, Renefor, Locheil, Gorinich, and Mergo-Kan where we were playtesting a new edition of Vain the Sword. It was delightfully fun, and I wanted to immortalize it, but I hate hate hate campaign reports, so I had to mix it up or I would fall asleep writing it. Hence, the ABCs of the Sieges on Castle Helsingor. Flints, if I forgot anything, please remind me and regale readers with the chaotic tales of the crew of the Berg Flint.
Anglerfishing. The technique of sending some castle employee/resident who is possessed by a Mysterious Dagger into the next room ahead of the rest of the party to check for sticky situations. Worked very well.
Bonesaw Flint. A tired med student now employed as an on-boat barber surgeon. Reginald Flint’s brother. No, not that Reginald Flint, the other Reginald Flint. (See R for Reginald Flint)
Castle Velwaren. The place we stormed twice, the first time to kill Lord Valwaren (see V for Valwaren), the second to retrieve a Frankenstein from under Dracula’s nose (see S for Saturnius).
Demonic Dwarf. We had one named Dmitri who acted as our cannoneer and demolitionist. He could make fires that only he could see, and perpetually argued for the least moral choice in the most comically delightful way.
Earspoon. Why IS it called that? And why do the Bohemians need so many?
Fatfuck. A nickname for Busby Flint, the boat cat. Spawned more art than anything else in the campaign despite having zero screen time. Which, you know, is to be expected.
Gregory Siebler IV. A schmuck with a rivalry with one Brian DeVille. He was possessed by the Dagger for a long while. (Also see P for Phloxxing)
Heart of Frankenstein. One of the few witnesses of the only kiss to be shared between Raoul the Castrato and Georgina Andrews- She perished at the hands of Dracula, so now he’ll never get to ask her out for that drink. (Probably for the best, as she was under a Daggerish influence during the liplock.)
I AM UNREPENTANT. The girlfriend of the Mysterious Dagger, liberated from Lord Valwaren’s use. (She’s a sword, just so we’re clear.)
Jack Coals. An orphan saved from a- actually, you guess what he was doing before we adopted him. APPARENTLY he was a fey sorcerer the whole time?!?!? Unbelievable.
Katarino. One of the werewolves freed from the prisons below the castle. They caused some chaos, escaped, then owed us an ambiguous favor that never got cashed in. Sequel potential?
Living forest. Who would have thought the Brandekov Forest would have been alive and had a self-preservation instinct? We just wanted to burn it down nice and good-like!
Mortal Glögg. A drink designed to restore people to their normal forms- brought Reginald Flint from the brink of being a donkey at the hands of some rather Shakespearean hags.
Night’s wicked creatures. Bats, rats, and… armadillo? Who would have thought!
Orc. Didn’t really have a different place to talk about Lazare Flint, the Godchild of the Sea, wielder of I AM UNREPENTANT, and perhaps the last humanoid alive to see Dracula.
Phloxxed. Phlox has a habit of knowing people’s personal information (see an important NPC having my real-life last name, or him donating to Mergo’s personal website). Thus, when someone’s personal information has been compromised, they’ve been Phloxxed.
Q. A very difficult and rare sort of letter on its own, but when looking back on a gaming campaign, this one is damn near impossible to ascribe any sort of value.
Reginald Flint(s). There are two of them- one is a gay pirate with explode-y knife hands, and the other one is a gay pirate who gets crazy strong when you don’t look at them. They are married. Yes, it’s confusing.
Saturnius. A mopey Frankenstein we had to hunt down body parts for like the world’s worst Build-A-Bear workshop. Especially because right after the metaphorical bear was built, a metaphorical Dracula hurled it into the ocean. Wait, that last part was literal.
Trapdoor behind the barber chair. A diet Sweeny Todd was killing people and sending them to the kitchens to be baked into pies through the use of a poorly-hidden trapdoor. He was abruptly and forcefully stopped.
Umbrella. Turns out a 6-foot invincible parasol is useful in a lot of situations. Particularly when you have people shooting at you through doorways and also someone with superhuman strength and the capacity to use it as a battering ram.
Valwaren. The lord of the castle, and an emo asshole (by his own admission- well, his mouth’s admission, not his brain’s) vampire wannabe. Followed around by a team of sycophant cousins and the occasional jester. After being possessed by the Mysterious Dagger, he convinced most of the cousins to kill each other, then killed one, then allowed himself to be killed. This was how the Flints initially “won” the dungeon.
Walls. Many fell to Reggie’s mighty thews, we just called it “renovations”. Castle Valwaren needed an open floorplan, right?
Xanthic. An adjective easily used to describe the Igors, strange hunchbacked (edit: apparently I was the only one who saw them as hunchbacked, c'est la vie) servants that roamed the place and debated the origins of common pole weaponry (see E for Earspoon). It’s X, give me a break.
Yo Ho Mo. Instead of Yo Ho Ho, this is the battle cry of the Flints, for what are presumably obvious reasons. In times of strife, this turned to "Yo Ho Woe".
Ze- wait, no, I don’t want to Phloxx myself!
Alternatively…
Zine. If you don’t do it, Phlox, you’re a cowardly cur
Lies, the phrase is YO-HO-WO, or if something tragic has happened, Yo-Ho-Woe.
ReplyDeleteYou're right that tragedy incurred the "woe" suffix, but if I recall, we didn't pass up on the chance to make a cheap gay joke. I suppose it is but a matter for scholars and historians of the Dreadful Coast now.
DeleteSounds super fun!
ReplyDeleteOne of the best experiences I've had as a player in a good while, that's for sure. Made me really value the power of an invested and passionate group of players.
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