Monday, May 3, 2021

PROBLEM CHILDREN: an anthology of a new (MOSAIC STRICT?) class format

Taken from the GLoG Discord in chronological format with no editing save name credit and slight blog-layout accommodation. A sequel to this bad boy, in a sense. Vayra also has some here


GALVANIST (Xenophon of Athens) you are a crazy fucking cultist with a rose-gold mask in the shape of an animal that doesn't exist. you worship Magolg, the Demiurge, the bolt of silver-adamant lightning. you pretend to be a cleric, but you are actually a practitioner of the Fourth Art of Galvanism, which deals with the creation of motion and the element of Lightning. things you can do: convince peasants and the very rich that you are a real priest with angels, create painful static shocks with your hand, create a bright arc of lightning between your fingers, induce a weak magnetic field in a conductive object. when you wake up in the morning, you may choose a problem to be able to solve with a crackle of lightning: 1. I NEED TO RUN VERY VERY FAST 2. I NEED TO BE VERY VERY STRONG 3. THIS FLESH MUST KNIT 4. THAT MIND MUST BE CLEARED OF IMPAIRMENT 5. MY ANCESTOR MUST ANSWER A QUESTION ABOUT OLD THINGS AND BE A BIGOT 6. THIS BODY OF AIR OR FLESH MUST BE CLEARED OF POISON powerful galvanists can zap people with lightning, extremely powerful galvanists can create temporary jewelry of lightning-crackling adamant. the more powerful a galvanist gets, the more they are tormented by bigoted ancestors and hungry devils.


FLESHCRAFTER (Lexi)

you are a devotee of the Artes of the Meat and the Lines of Blood. you have a bag full of organs, pulsating on their own despite being disconnected from any body or heart. you worship no god but your own potential, though many pay lip service to the Crab God Metastas, Who Grows Ceaselessly. things you can do: contort your limbs in ways that horrify anyone who is not a fleshcrafter, seal or split skin at a touch, share your senses with others at a touch or borrow the senses of someone touched, accelerate or temporarily slow the course of a disease. when you wake up in the morning, you may choose a problem to be solved with a copious amount of blood: 1. SOMETHING NEEDS A NEW ORGAN. 2. THERE IS NOT ENOUGH BLOOD IN THIS VESSEL. 3. TWO FLESHES MUST BE BONDED TOGETHER. 4. THIS FLESH MUST PERFORM OPTIMALLY FOR THIS TASK. 5. THIS DISEASE MUST BE MOVED TO A DIFFERENT HOST. 6. THIS ORGAN DOES NOT YET HAVE LEGS AND SO CANNOT OBEY MY COMMANDS AND THEN DIE, WHICH IS A SHAME, SOMEONE SHOULD FIX THAT. powerful fleshcrafters can alter larger quantities of flesh at once, and well-studied fleshcrafters can provide their creations with abilities from all kinds of fauna. fleshcrafters who learn the most forbidden meat-ways are tempted to surpass the limits of their baser instincts and become utterly, unplayably alien.


DIABOLIST (Locheil) You’re a Diabolist. You owe your soul to an insectoid alien that lives in Hell. You have a sharp suit, a clip-board, and a biro pen. things you can do: read contracts instantly, make invisible loopholes in legal texts, light fires with a strong glare, fade into crowds When you wake up in the morning, you may choose a problem to be solved by hacking a year off your Lifespan: 1. A STRUCTURE NEEDS TO BE TORN DOWN 2. A PERSON MUST BE CORRUPTED 3. A SENSE MUST BE IMPAIRED 4. A COMMUNITY MUST BE TURNED AGAINST ITSELF 5. THERE IS NOT ENOUGH FIRE HERE 6. I NEED A DISLOYAL BASTARD TO DO SOMETHING AND THEN GO TO HELL, LITERALLY powerful Diabolists can turn ordinary fire into Hellfire and well-studied Diabolists can unleash unstoppably powerful demons. Diabolists who learn the most forbidden contracts can ascend to (NPC) demonhood themselves.


GEOMANCER (Locheil) You’re a Geomancer. You are in the middle of a very protracted legal battle with the spirits of the planet you’re standing on. You have a dusty coat, a miner’s helmet and a mattock. things you can do: sense your depths, throw rocks with unerring accuracy, move across dirt, rock and sand unimpeded When you wake up in the morning, you may choose a problem to be solved with the rumbling of stone and a surge of tectonic energy: 1. THERE IS A STRUCTURE HERE 2. THERE ISN’T A STRUCTURE HERE 3. THAT THING IS FLYING 4. I DON’T HAVE A TUNNEL 5. I AM INSUFFICIENTLY DURABLE 6. THERE IS NO LAVA HERE powerful Geomancers can form crystalline armour and well-studied Geomancers can summon deep-earth spirits to do their bidding. Geomancers who learn the most forbidden secrets of the deep earth can set up their own lithic barony in the depths of the crust.


FIGHTER (Locheil) You’re a Fighter. You’re a death dealer of another kind. You have a weapon, armour, and a steely gaze. things you can do: terrify ordinary people, endure terrible pain, hide a weapon somewhere on your body so that it cannot be discovered When you wake up in the morning, you may choose a problem to be solved with brutal efficiency. 1. THAT WEAKLING IS ALIVE 2. THAT FOE HAS A WEAPON 3. I AM NOT HIDDEN 4. THIS REQUIRES AN ACT OF STRENGTH 5. MY PATH IS BARRED BY MUNDANE MEANS 6. THAT FOE IS NOT TERRIFIED powerful Fighters can found domains, and well-studied Fighters can harm ghosts and gods with their weapon. Fighters who learn the most powerful sword arts can spend a life filled with regret and wistful memories of innocent youth.


PSYCHIC (Purplecthulhu) You can levitate a foot off the ground, get a sense of people's true emotions, and move objects roughly the size of your fist or smaller with your mind. When you wake up in the morning, you can decide to solve one problem with a bit of concentration: 1. I DO NOT KNOW WHAT THIS PERSON IS THINKING 2. THIS OBJECT IS NOT CURRENTLY MOVING 3. THIS PERSON DOES NOT REMEMBER CORRECTLY 4. THIS PERSON IS NOT DOING WHAT I WANT THEM TO DO 5. I DO NOT KNOW WHAT IS HAPPENING AT THIS LOCATION 6. I DO NOT KNOW WHAT HAPPENED TO THIS NOUN IN THE PAST Powerful psychics can see into the future and cause people to harm themselves and others. The elite among them shed their *ha* and become disembodied, wandering minds. Those who overreach suffer from various blood vessel issues in the brain.


THAUMATURGE (CyberChronometer) You’re a Thaumaturge. You have stolen a glimpse of the Manual of Miracles. You have a pad of incomprehensible notes, a matchlock, and a ratty suit. Things you can do: see the unseen, decipher the uncanny, tolerate the unfathomable, flee those who pursue you and pursue those who flee you You can take an inconvenient amount of time, and attract the attention of everything more NEARBY than it is MUNDANE to miraculously solve problems: 1. THESE PEOPLE ARE THE WRONG AMOUNT OF AFRAID. 2. SOMETHING ISN'T MADE OF SALT, FIRE, OR OBSIDIAN. 3. MY FLESH IS NOT AS STONG AS IT NEEDS TO BE. 4. THIS NEEDS TO STOP BEING MAGICAL. 5. GRAVITY IS INCONVENIENCING ME. 6. I AM IN THE WRONG CITY ENTIRELY. Powerful Thaumaturges can walk without crossing the intervening space and well-studied Thaumaturges can cut steel and stone with well-chosen words. Thaumaturges who get a second look at the Manual can cast off the shackles of time and death.


DOG (Me, Sundered- who else would dare be this stupid) 1 The stick-like thing is all the way over THERE 2 This object isn't mangled and moist 3 This person dislikes me 4 This person isn't afraid of me 5 My human is getting hurt 6 The cat-like thing is causing trouble


ARTIFICER (Locheil) You’re an Artificer. You infuse magic by the process of craft. You’re the end of a long chain of masters teaching apprentices. You have a set of tools and a long education. Things you can do: fix mundane objects, pick locks, make weapons magical, find hidden maker’s marks You can solve one of the following problems with a pound of material and an hour of work. 1. A WEAPON, OR AMMUNITION IS NEEDED 2. ARMOUR IS NEEDED 3. THE WAY MUST BE BARRED 4. THIS ITEM MUST BE BETTER 5. THIS ITEM MUST BE DESTROYED, WITH FINALITY 6. SECRETS MUST BE CONVEYED - SECRETLY Powerful Artificers can take an apprentice who is also an Artificer, and well-studied Artificers can forge a specific weapon to kill any specific being. Artificers who unlock the secret of True Infusion can make items from concepts or from ephemera.


EXORCIST (Gorinich) Your specialist trained by the Church to save people from ghosts and demons. You have extensive knowledge on burial rights, demonology and the dead. You spook most normal people but know how to comfort the grieving. While you brandish a cross spirits can't approach you and demons can only influence you if you let them. When you wake up in the morning decide what incantations, herbs, talismans and other occult nick-knacks you will prepare for the day. The methods you prepare can be used to solve one of the following problems. 1. AN OTHERWORLDLY INFLUENCE IS CONTROLLING THIS PERSON. 2. I CAN'T MEANINGFULLY COMMUNICATE OR INTERACT WITH THIS SPIRIT. 3. SOMETHING THAT DOESN'T BELONG HERE IS HERE. 4. A SPIRIT HAS TO MUCH FREE REIGN. 5. A PERSON OR PLACE IS VULNERABLE TO OTHERWORLDLY FORCES. 6. A COMMUNITY IS PANICKING OVER NOTHING. Powerful exorcists cause weaker spirits to tremble and flee, well-studied exorcists know the true names of many spirits.


NECROMANCER (Spwack) you are a student and master of the dead, the dying, and the in-between. you have a body part of your former/current teacher, a shovel, candles made form unwholesome flesh, and a shambling minion made of spare parts things you can do: speak with corpses and other dead things, dig holes really fast, navigate by scent alone, slow your heart and breathing to imperceptibility when you wake up in the morning, you may choose a problem that can be solved with a chunk of vital force (your own, or store-brought): 1. THIS THING IS DEAD BUT NOT MOVING 2. THIS THING IS DEAD AND MOVING, BUT NOT TO MY LIKING 3. THIS LIVING THING IS SPRIGHTLY AND HEALTHY 4. THIS PLACE IS FULL OF HEALTHY LIVING THINGS 5. I'M RUNNING OUT OF VITALITY, AND WHY ARE MY JOINTS ALL CREAKY? 6. THIS PLACE ISN'T NEARLY HAUNTED AND EVIL ENOUGH, WHAT THE HELL? powerful Necromancers can conjure all manner of ghosts and spirits, including magic-users in their own right. Necromancers who die and come back again are really hard to kill a second time


YNNBRINGER (Archon's Court) You are a runaway from the government, one of the few who has found the rituals to open a gate to the Garden. You have an unreasonable amount of incense, a (usually broken-down) van, and a handful of poison ivy in a shopping bag. Things you can do: speak with the Fair Folk (though this won't make them nicer), walk through living plants as if they weren't there, and move things back and forth between here and the Garden. When you wake up in the morning, you may choose a problem that can be solved after an hour of hallucination and ritual: 1. THESE PLANTS ARE NOT WHERE I WANT THEM TO BE 2. THE WEATHER ISN'T CALM ENOUGH 3. THIS PERSON IS AWAKE 4. I AM / AM NOT IN THE GARDEN 5. I SHOULD LOOK DIFFERENT 6. THE GROUND HERE IS THE WRONG SHAPE powerful Ynnbringers build covens around themselves to help evade the police and do odd jobs. The greatest of them have the grudging respect of the Fair Folk, and can call on them, for a price.


OSIRIS THEURGE (Archon's Court)
You are agent of the government, and beyond them, an agent of the Pyramid. It calls to you, tells you you're keeping the world safe. Lobotomize the psychics, entomb the Ynnbringers, find Bigfoot and shoot him. You have a 1911 that never jams, a well-pressed suit, and a forgettable (if uncanny) face. Things you can do: levitate exactly 3.141596 feet off the ground, prevent your mind from being read, legally commit murder. When you wake up in the morning, you may choose a problem that can be solved by beseeching the Pyramid: 1. THIS OBJECT IS NOT A CONDENSED CUBE 2. I AM HERE BUT WANT TO BE WHERE I'M POINTING 3. THIS PERSON REMEMBERS ME 4. THIS PERSON CAN DO MAGIC 5. THIS WALL IS IN THE WAY 6. I HAVE A QUESTION AND CAN'T ANSWER IT powerful Theurges can enter the Astral Plane to speak to the Pyramid itself. Those most loyal have a tiny black stone placed inside their heart, and can see everything in a mile of them.


FIGHTER (RandomWizard) Who doesn’t know what a Fighter is? You’re not outright supernatural, but you’re a veteran and damn good at what you do. And if it comes down to spears and guns, it’s you, not some fancy magician, who’ll come out alive. You have battered but sturdy armor, a backpack of rations and supplies (people *always* forget supplies), a melee weapon, a ranged weapon, a flask of alcohol, and a backup knife. Things you can do: Use just about any weapons or military equipment, understand basic common sense about picking fights you can’t win, survive and escape dangerous enemies When you make up in a morning, you may choose a problem that you can solve with sufficient force: 1. THESE PEOPLE ARE NOT AFRAID OF ME 2. THIS PERSON NOT SIGNIFICANTLY STRONGER THAN ME IS ALIVE 3. SOME IDIOTS DON’T UNDERSTAND BASIC TACTICS 4. MY ALLIES’ MORALE IS FAILING 5. THIS PERSON IS IN DANGER 6. THIS PLACE IS UNDER SIEGE Skilled Fighters can inspire entire armies around themselves, survive attacks no mortal reasonably should be able to, and kill even massive monsters singlehandedly. It is said that the best Fighters of all are building an army somewhere to kill the gods.


THIEF (RandomWizard) Masters of crime, stealth, robbery, assassination, that sort of thing. Start with a hooded cloak, lockpicks, daggers, and a cunning disguise. Things you can do: Sneak around without being seen, find contacts in the criminal underworld, pick locks and pockets When you wake up in the morning, you may choose a problem that you can use your skills to solve: 1. THIS PERSON IS CARRYING SOMETHING THAT I WANT 2. THESE PEOPLE KNOW MY LOCATION 3. THIS THING IS LOCKED, SEALED, OR CLOSED 4. THIS PERSON WHO DOESN’T NOTICE ME IS CONSCIOUS 5. THIS WALL OR LEDGE CAN’T BE SAFELY CLIMBED 6. EVERYTHING WENT TO SHIT AND I NEED TO FLEE Master thieves always have somewhere to securely store their ill-gotten gains, and can pilfer even things like memories or internal organs. Sometimes, they take on pupils to teach their thieving ways to. The very best can even walk through walls and turn entirely invisible.


LICHADOR (Occo) You are a lichador—a masked warrior and an entertainer. You died, once, but you got better. You live for the taste of victory. You have a skin-tight costume, a championship title, and a mask that carries your soul. Things you can do: pretend to be a badass, sense other undead, perform great acrobatic feats, make tamales, speak to your ancestors Whenever you rest, choose a problem to be solved with brute strength and some style: 1. THESE PEOPLE AREN'T IMPRESSED BY ME 2. THIS COWARD DOESN'T WANT TO FIGHT ME 3. SOMEBODY OR SOMETHING IS IN MY WAY 4. I'M HERE AND NEED TO GET OVER THERE 5. THIS PERSON IS TRYING TO HURT ME 6. I DON'T HAVE ANYTHING TO HIT THIS PERSON WITH Powerful lichadors can beat great foes singlehandedly, bring loyal followers wherever they go, and pass on their fighting spirit when they finally step out of the ring. The strongest among grow beyond mortal concerns, un-living for centuries, always left seeking their next opponent.


SEAMSTRESS (Lexi)
you are known throughout all walks of life, from the dockside bawdy-houses to the most private chambers of the most private members of the aristocracy. you're never alone, and never bored - but you're also never more than a stone's throw or leaked rumour from ruin. you can wear a hundred faces, each more dazzling than the last, at home in the ballroom and the brothel and everything in between. things you can always do: disguise yourself as someone unforgettably attractive, seduce someone who's amenable to seduction, cause someone to let slip a minor secret in casual conversation or a ruinous secret in private conversation, bluff your way into a members-only event, hide small items (i.e. could fit in your mouth) on your person in ways they'll never be found, recall a ruinous secret of a member of high society, and tell someone's vices at a glance. seamstresses play a dangerous game, with stakes that can make or destroy governments. one with the right connections can twist the intrigues of the city to their whims, acquire truly absurd amounts of coin, and access anywhere with a smile and a wink no matter how little they're supposed to be there


FIRE PRIEST (Obliditangerineptych) You are one of those creatures whose mind and hands burn as brightly as a flame. Your vows have been branded upon your shoulders, and while they endure, you are embraced by fire as kin, can speak to it as a novice to a master, and can create it by shedding some blood. Choose a holy order. Those of the ANT MASKS deal with the amalgamation of things, while those of the MANTIS MASKS deal with the consumption of things. If you wear the mask of the ANT, you may slowly heat and forge metal with your red-tattooed hands, but you cannot break items upon pain of alienation. If you bear the face of the MANTIS, you can quickly ignite flammable objects with your orange-tattooed hands, but you cannot make items upon pain of forgetfulness. At the beginning of each day, or when the light of a new fire touches you, choose one problem to solve with a puff of smoke and a creeping, crackling sound. The first three problems are solved by both kinds of Fire Priests, and the last six are specific to one or the other. 1. I WOULD LIKE TO KNOW WHAT THIS THING KNOWS BY TASTING ITS ASHES 2. THIS FIRE, IT IS NOT MOVING AND I WISH IT TO MOVE AS A SMALL CREATURE WOULD 3. THIS BLOOD NEEDS TO BECOME AS FLAMMABLE AS TINDER The ANT MASKS can solve these three problems. 1. THESE OBJECTS, THEIR SEPARATION IS INCONVENIENT AND MUST CEASE 2. THERE IS NOT AN EARTHEN TUNNEL THROUGH WHICH I CAN ACCESS A NEARBY AREA, AND I WANT ONE NOW 3. I NEED MY LEGS TO KEEP MOVING ACROSS UNPASSABLE SURFACES The MANTIS MASKS can solve these three problems. 1. THESE OBJECTS ARE JOINED AND THAT SHALL STOP NOW 2. I MUST PLACE A PERSON IN A COMA TEMPORARILY
3. MY HANDS, THEY NEED TO BECOME STRONG ENOUGH TO CUT THROUGH MATERIALS THINNER THAN THEM

The ANTI MASKS (written by Everythings) can solve these problems:
1. THESE PEOPLE HAVE MASKS ON WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK
2. I WANT TO SPEAK TO THE PERSON IN CHARGE
3. THIS GUARD CAN FUCK RIGHT OFF
4. I WILL MAKE EVERYONE KNOW YOU BETRAYED ME
5. I WILL MAKE EVERYONE KNOW THE KING IS ACTUALLY SOMETHING ELSE
6. PLEASE MISTER JUDGE, ANYTHING BUT THE DEATH SENTENCE


Thief (Purplecthulhu, with help from G_d)
You know what your job is, you bastard

things you can do: open mundane locks with a few moments of poking around, climb anything a properly-equipped human could climb sans equipment, hide anywhere a black cat could, stash a backpack's worth of gear and loot in your pockets

You have as special gear (roll 1d6)
    1. Trick arrows. Fire, water, moss, rope.
    2. Cloth made with the waters of Lethe. Anything covered by it becomes forgotten to all but you.
    3. A pet bird. Will fly about, warning you of danger and bringing you shinys.
    4. Smoke bombs, stink bombs, tear gas bombs
    5. Endless knives. You always have at least one strapped somewhere, no matter what
    6. A Hand of Glory

You are knowledgable in the tangentially related skill of (roll d6)-
    1. Chemistry
    2. Disguise
    3. Assassination
    4. Dungeoneering aka practical archaeology
    5. Minor arcana
    6. Forensic science
- and can execute those things as competently as your thievery, which is to say very

You are owed a medium-sized favor by a (roll d6)-
1. Occultist 2. Mercenary 3. Bourgeoisie 4. Vice hawker 5. A whole gang of petty thieves 6. Barber-surgeon

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PROBLEM CHILDREN: an anthology of a new (MOSAIC STRICT?) class format

Taken from the GLoG Discord in chronological format with no editing save name credit and slight blog-layout  accommodation. A sequel to thi...