This post serves to canonize my addition to the THREE WORD SWORD (a +1 rapier that whistles sea shanties) cosmos- swords that bear apostrophes and punctuation in their epithets (which is to say, cursed swords) and five-letter daggers.
NIGHT’S BLACK CATHEDRAL, a butterfly sword painted in peeling black whose finger guard looks like a bat wing. As soon as someone utters any word in combat, it flops and becomes flaccid. Once flaccid, any liquid it’s stirred in becomes unholy water.
CAN’T TOUCH THIS, a gladius with a rose in the center of the guard. The rose repeats a fugal music box version of the eponymous MC Hammer tune ad nauseum. The blade has a magnetic aversion to blood, making it very hard to attack any living creature.
PLEASE DON’T BLINK, a cutlass whose pommel is two small carved angel wings surrounding an impure diamond. While you bear this blade, you cannot look away from focal points willingly, giving you DISADVANTAGE on WIS rolls to notice small details and on SAVES against visual effects like hypnotic patterns and fear.
COULD'VE WOULD’VE SHOULD’VE and AIN’T I PRETTY, twin hook swords, one with emerald Elvish inlay reading “prune the garden well” and the other with onyx Dwarvish inlay reading “burn out the weeds”. When blood touches the blades, COULD’VE becomes boulder-heavy, while AIN’T becomes paper-light.
FUCKED PHLOX’S MOM, a bronze katana with roses engraved into the blade. It is constantly coated in a thin layer of mucus which is somehow both slimy and sticky. It bypasses all weapon resistance (but not immunity). Every ROUND you wield it in combat you must roll DEX to avoid it slipping out of your hands; if you FUMBLE, you fall upon it, and the same amount of damage is dealt to your mother/maternal figure.
YNN’S WATERING CAN, a claymore whose handle of red leather is snugly wrapped in gold jewelry chain. Thorns slide out of the hilt every time the blade lands a solid hit which implant small rose seeds into the weilder’s hands. Have you ever had thorny plants germinating under your palms?
CURTANA’S WEDDED WIFE, a mambele shaped like a stag’s horn. Wild animals (and Engl*sh “people”) seek to attack you on sight when you bear this blade. She wants nothing more than to be entombed alongside her wife, and if steps are taken to find Curtana’s resting place, the two types of vile beast instead become helpful.
(Daggers typically seem more intelligent than swords because their spirits don't have to go as far to meet the edges, and as such is more concentrated. They have five-letter names, each one out of respect for each finger that bears it- a daggermaker with three fingers, though, may make blades like ASP or EYE for themselves instead.)
SPARK, a shy parazonium with a thin strip of alchemically-altered magnesium in its fuller. Anything flammable it strikes lights with flame in the wielder's choice of color, or lack thereof.
QUERY, a cinquedea with an out-of-date globe in a gem-studded cage cage for a pommel. When the flat of the blade is placed against someone’s bare skin, they cannot withhold information or lie. It sharpens when placed in running water.
MOONZ, a push dagger with a handle like a backwards lunar crescent. Its romantic interests lie not in other daggers, but in gems and jewels. Wherever a MOON SPELL is cast in earshot of the dagger, its effect is doubled, and its blade glows-white hot for a moment.
INKY, WINKY, PINKY, and CLYDE, four centaur boot stilettos. When one is thrown and hits a target, all the others that are thrown follow its path, sinking in close by if uninterrupted. Baked goods seem to vanish around them, and their multichromatic blades are almost always littered with crumbs.
Cursed apostrophes sounds about right to me! The daggers are very cool as well
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